Sunday, February 7, 2016

How can we become more loving?

“May we care about becoming loving more than anything else in life” (David Richo)

San Valentino, a third century Roman, whose name we take to observe the forthcoming 14th of February,  might have agreed.

Certainly the motivational writer Susan Jeffers, whose mission was to help us face our fears and do it anyway, did. 

She urged us to focus on the higher purpose of our relationships: that being, to help us learn to become more loving.

Our best workshops - our relationship – or the lack of one – provide rich fertile ground to learn how to be that more powerful and loving person.

As she pointed out, we don’t have to be in a relationship or wait for our partner to want to work on it; we can work fruitfully and joyfully on our own.

In fact because, our mind controls so much of the quality of our relationships and our life, the only logical place is to start with ourselves: to start cleaning our own mind and explore our own thought patterns and beliefs.

A way forward? “Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass”.

By doing this, we come face to face with our own self-imposed barriers and blind spots to replace them with our reclaimed qualities and positive habits.  

As many a wise person has alluded to and which was eloquently and convincingly captured by Gandhi, “we must become the change we want to see”.

We have to be that love we want, for ourselves.  If we want our partner, for example, to be more loving, understanding, interested, generous and intimate, we have to be more loving, understanding, interested, generous and intimate.  It may be that we are lacking those virtues or have suppressed them – that is why we seek them.  It is therefore up to us to develop and express those very aspects which we search for in our mate.  We focus on being that which we want mirrored back.

And of course, this is not confined to romantic relationships. All our relationships provide an opportunity for us to become more loving.  As leaders, if we want our followers to be intuitive, creative and collaborative....we have to cultivate those characteristics in ourselves. 

And of course, looking within and working on these new ways of being, takes....practise, practise and practise.

May you enjoy practising this Valentine’s Day...and every other day.



Revised version of a posting from  11 Feb 2013, which was a tribute to love and the late Susan Jeffers who passed away in 27th October 2012.   Jeffers, S (2005), The Feel The Fear Guide to Lasting Love, Vermilion. specific pieces from pages 44, 53,  72, 222)

Richo, D, (2002), How To Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boston, Massachusetts. P. 155

Image: via google images.'balloon man'

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