I’m
back. I’ve reflected on our relationship.
And have something to tell you.
I
love you.
Just
your typical conversation with your direct report who is underperforming, yes?
Perhaps
not.
But it could be.
If you are like many leaders we work with,
you don’t like having what you call those ‘difficult conversations’. Those conversations to talk about things which
are not quite right between you and the other.
Often it is around underperformance, where there is a gap between what your
direct report is doing and what you want them to do.
We help leaders work through this, by using
the PRO conversation tool. We encourage
them to articulate the problem with facts and the impact of the
underperformance. We help them access strategies to respond appropriately to
their and the other’s reactions, and explore ways to gain ownership.
For those leaders who wish to go deeper,
these underperformance conversations can be an opportunity to bring compassion
into their leadership and into the workplace.
The etymology of "compassion" is
Latin, meaning "co-suffering."
No longer just the domain of religion and spirituality, the likes of
leadership writers Boyatzis and McKee, recognise that compassion is a key
component of good leadership and good coaching.
Underperformance, probably one of the
greatest sources of suffering in the workplace, is surely a ripe place for the
leader to start.
The new field of social neuroscience, shows we
are wired to help. If we attend to the
other, we automatically empathise with them. So drawing from compassion theory,
mindfulness and loving kindness meditation, there is a way to prepare yourself
for those conversations.
It involves saying those 3 words. I love you.
But relax – saying them just in your mind will
be enough.
It
may seem far-fetched. But there will be
a shift in how you feel, how you view that individual and how you approach the
conversation.
Here is a short exercise for you to
experiment with..
Take a moment to
relax in your chair, gently close your eyes and bring your attention to your
breath and the sensations in your body.
And bring to mind
that person who you want to have a conversation with. A conversation which is important to you to
help you both move forward, to bridge this performance gap, to address this
tension between you both.
You see that
person.
And you shine light
on what you are doing to create separation between you both.
You offer yourself
kindness. You offer yourself compassion in how you may have been creating
separation.
And you turn to look
into the eyes of that person.
You see them, their
vulnerability, their good intent, you sense their goodness. You know that we all want to do a good job
and you see that in them.
And feeling them
close by, you reach out.
I love you, you say. I
appreciate you. May you be free from suffering.
Coming back to yourself
you notice your own heart.
And you gently open
your eyes.
May
this help you in your next conversation.
Sources:
Brach,
T (2015) Sure Hearts Release, Audio Tape 4 March 2015, www.tarabrach.com
Boyatzis
R and McKee A (2005) Resonated Leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting
with others through mindfulness, hope and compassion, Harvard business School
Publishing, Boston
Goleman,
Daniel (2007) Why aren’t we more compassionate? TED talk http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion
Photo: quotes.lifehack.org via google
No comments:
Post a Comment